Out of all of our children, she was our ..ahem, surprise. From the moment she was born, she has been a joy. (I love all of my children but because she is so ill, I will focus on those feelings about her for this post.) Hannah has always been an early riser...5am and up with the birds. I am not a morning person by any means...but when you hear your baby gurgle with delight because you are the first face she sees, it's hard to be grumpy (despite being up an hour earlier with an older sibling). When she was old enough to pull herself up, she would stand in her crib with her chubby arms open wide as if she couldn't wait to feel me. She has these amazing blue eyes. I used to just stare at them while nursing her. She had cherub-like cheeks that have flattened into the shape of a young lady's face but every once in a while I catch a glimpse of them even now at 6 years old. She was an early talker, speaking complete sentences at 15 months old. They grow so fast. Now she is in first grade and gone are the days of gurgling and chubby baby arms. They are replaced with just as worthy treasures that define her personality. She can make a whole room erupt in laughter when you hear her giggle. It is the sound of pure delight coming from her.
Being that she is sick, she is more reliant upon me than she has been for the past couple of years. She has to have breathing treatments every four hours so we are up in the middle of the night (just like when she was a baby). She is too weak to even wash herself. I bathed her yesterday and held her in the crook of my arm while pouring water over her hair...just like when she was a baby. She just laid there looking up at me with those incredible cloudy blue-gray eyes. So if there is anything positive in this whole sickness, it was that moment of vulnerability...a glimpse backwards to times long gone.
I also got a glimpse into how Hannah copes with adversity. Each of my children have their own coping mechanisms. Hannah is usually happy-go-lucky so I don't often get to see hers. She sheds tears ,many of them with a talent I find impressive...she can actually "ping" them out of her eyes and hit my shirt. She also accepts things even though her face tells you she doesn't like it. You can logically reason with her at a level that is beyond her 6 years. She doesn't like it when you sugar-coat things...just give it to her straight. She also develops an attitude. It is quite the opposite of her regular persona and I am taken aback by it when it shows itself. This isn't a bad thing. I think she does this because it helps her to feel tough.
It has taken me three or four days to write this post (time is really fuzzy right now). Hannah is doing well, just very weak. When she was at her sickest point, I had her in bed with me for the night. As she slept sitting upright I started to pray over her. If you have a child who has any type of respiratory sickness, you will know that distinct rhythm of their belly breathing. Babies belly breath but as they get older, it turns into the regular chest breathing. However, when your child cannot get enough air in those lungs, the belly breathing returns. It is a scary sound while at it's worst. Then when you get all the drugs in that you can and just wait until it clears up, it becomes this rhythmic heavy breathing. I wish I could say it was soothing but it's not. I do have to say that while praying over her, it was the background noise. Something in the rhythm made the prayers come out easier. I prayed to our Lord that He continue to watch over her and help her. I prayed that our Lord Jesus Christ take her suffering up as an offering. I asked our Lady to intercede and keep her in the folds of her Holy Mantle. I also asked for St. Therese's intercession. The reason I asked for this particular saint's intercession was because of the book I am currently reading to the children. It is a book from a local author about a girl in 5th grade who is learning to follow St. Therese's little way. Hannah has really taken an interest in the story. As the story unfolds about the events in this 5th grader's life, you also learn about this saint. Hannah can tell you everything that goes on in this story. So it was natural for me to ask for St. Therese's intercession that night.
The next day, I picked up the only child well enough to go to school. I stopped and talked to Hannah's teacher. She said that the children in Han's class were supposed to make her cards but they ran out of time, however, one girl did make one. I took the pile of papers, that included missed work and this particular card and got back in the car. When we returned home, I handed Hannah the homemade card. It was from a classmate that would have no idea Han's interest in St. Therese. The picture was simple. It said it was to Hannah from S and the drawing was of a single rose. I wept.
FOR THOSE NOT FAMILIAR WITH ST. THERESE YOU MAY FIND THIS HELPFUL:
In case anyone is interested, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways. Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is represented by roses. May everyone be blessed who receives this message.
St. Theresa's Prayer:
May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....May you be content knowing you are a child of God.... Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.
