I am way too saddened by this campaign to even comment on it. I think in this post I will just let the picture speak a thousand words.


Pax

Dr. Gupta and Bill Clinton

So, did anyone happen to catch the interview last night with Dr. S. Gupta and former Pres. Clinton? I for one did not. I read about it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ-W6dvIqmU

Seriously, what on earth came out of his mouth and why on earth didn't Dr. Gupta say anything??? It is beyond me. Could someone pick my jaw up off the floor please? If you didn't happen to see it and don't have time to see what the buzz is all about, it is the former President (that's right of the USA) stating his opinion of embryonic stem cell research. He basically says that the embryos being used haven't been fertilized yet. Huh? As if we start out as chickens? Did I miss something in science class?

I think I am too stunned to rant here.




You can also read the transcript on CNN's Larry King Live here:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0903/11/lkl.01.html

I spoke in an earlier post about having a missionary's heart. I even went so far as to inquiring about a mission trip our whole family could go on. After much discernment, I accepted that traveling outside of the country...presently...is not in the best interest for every family member. It is something that may be in our future, but not right now. So what is a person to do when they have this yearning in their heart yet have this very wonderful vocation (motherhood and married life) that they are dedicated to? You pray. I have to say that when I received an answer to my prayer about traveling to another country and that answer was a solid NO, I wasn't the happiest camper. Why would God give me this yearning but not show me the path in which to fulfill it? I kind of had an attitude just like a bratty teenager would: "Fine, then you figure out what to do with this thing you gave me! I give up! I have researched and even found a group that encourages whole families and You say no? I don't get it."
It's a good thing our Lord is merciful with attitudes such as mine. This answer to this prayer of mine came less than a year ago. It has taken me almost a year to finally get what it is that the Lord had in mind for this gift he gave me of a missionary's heart. To take you on the journey to that point, let me give some background on the story so as it unfolds, there is more understanding.
My FIL has Hepatitis C. It is something that he has lived with for about 20 years. He received tainted blood years back when the testing for Hep C may not have been what it was today (I don't think they even recognized Hep C yet but I am not sure). So after donating one day about a decade ago, he received the news that his blood had been rejected due to the virus being present in his blood. For the first few years after diagnosis, he remained, for the most part, symptom free. They tried a few treatments and some of it helped and others he did not tolerate well. The thing with this particular virus is that it is almost like a tug of war on the liver. The virus attacks the liver (the liver filters the crap from your blood as one of it's functions) and the liver being an amazing organ, will regenerate itself. In recent years, the virus has been winning a slow and steady race. The past nine months have been the most significant in watching his health decline. He has been very brave in this battle and accepts it with a kind of peace that can sometimes be frustrating. He is currently on the liver transplant list. He has some good days, but most are spent in some sort of pain...all days are spent with fatigue.
It is during these past few months that we have really been talking about God with him. He was raised catholic. He attended catholic school. He has gone to Mass a few times since I entered into the family but mostly for baptisms, first communions or Christmas. He does not take communion nor does he pray in the sense that is obvious to others around him. Since Christmas, he has been coming to Mass more frequently. We had a family gathering at our house over the Christmas holiday. His brother and his niece came with their families and Brother D (remember him?) and his family came. I leaned over to ask Brother D to give the blessing. Brother D gives the most awesome prayers during mealtimes. No sooner had I asked when my FIL interjected quickly that he would like to say the blessing. I know my face did not hide my shock that he wanted to say grace. As I said earlier, he has never shown outward signs of praying. My FIL's prayer was not one of the most eloquent prayers I have ever heard. It wasn't filled with quotes from scripture. It wasn't the kind of prayer that flowed like poetry. But it was the most amazing prayer I have ever heard because it was given by someone who just let us have a look inside. For that moment, he was completely vulnerable. It was an emotional prayer. It was a prayer of thanksgiving. It was a prayer of acknowledgement of why we all were there together in the first place. Needless to say, aside from the children, there was not a dry eye in the room and you could have heard a pin drop when he said Amen.
A month or so passed and Brother D called Matt up with the suggestion that we pray over FIL. Matt was all for this but told Brother D to call before they came (they live a few hours away) to make sure it would be well received by FIL. Unfortunately, FIL was not open to the laying on of hands healing prayer idea. Thanks but no thanks. I am not sure why this request was rejected. Perhaps we were all moving a bit too fast for him? Or maybe we just caught him off guard? My MIL was not thrilled with his rejection. She has been trying to get him to talk about God. Trying to speak to him about what his thoughts are on what happens to us when we die. Death is a reality for all of us as none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow...but death is something tangible in FIL's life due to his disease.
Matt and I decided that if he didn't want us to pray over him, then maybe we could just storm heaven's gates with petitions of our own. We did a novena to St. Jude with our four children. I truly believe that God especially hears the prayers of His little ones. They continue to pray for him every night... "Pwease watch over Papa and his wiver". In the meantime, FIL has been coming to Mass every now and then with us...the days he does not come it is due to not feeling well. A few weeks ago I was in a sound sleep. In the middle of the night I sat straight up in bed as the revelation came to me. What needed to be done was the work of a missionary! I was doing missionary work, only I didn't see it. I woke Matt up, who was also in a sound sleep, trying to explain to him what I just realized. I think he appreciated the story much better later that morning...after coffee. This missionary work is not the picure I had in my head. It' s not even remotely close to what I thought would be required of me. This is simply being an instrument. Sometimes that instrument needs to play loudly. Sometimes it needs to play softly. Sometimes it needs to sit in the corner and play nothing at all. Sometimes it needs to be tuned (this is done thru prayer so that I hear what it is that I am supposed to do and leave my own desires to shove religion down his throat aside). It is humbling to know that you are doing the very thing God sent you out to do....I was just so blinded by my vision of what a missionary was that I couldn't see it right in front of me.

A blessing in a simple phone call.

You ever have those moments in life where you keep dwelling on something someone said? You just can't let it go no matter how much you tell your brain to get rid of it? Today was one of those days plus a few other matters that just made my heart kind of heavy.
I have tried to get a hold of a friend to talk to her about one of these matters that she holds more expertise in. I wasn't able to until today. I walked away from the conversation feeling totally blessed and my shoulders are feeling less of the yoke. We didn't talk just about the subject matter I intended to. Our conversation naturally shifted onto other matters. She didn't say anything specific or have any problem solving tips. She just listened. Not only did she listen, she shared her experiences. It was a give and take conversation that was perfectly balanced. It was the first time in a long time I have layed myself open to be vulnerable. To give someone a glimpse inside of my life and not worry about what they would think of it. Nor was it a conversation where I don't ask a question where I know I am not going to like the answer. It is perhaps one of the most profound conversations I have had in recent times. So thank you friend, if I ever get the gumption up to share this blog with anyone.
I am always amazed at the timing of God's plan. I don't think for one moment that it was coincidental that I couldn't get a hold of her last night. God knew that I would need to hear her voice more today than I did last night. He knew exactly the medicine I would need...and that it would come in at the receiving end of a phone call.

Prayers for a special intention...

Do not want to give details on what the special intention is just yet (if at all). I received some heart breaking news about a distant family member. Prayers for full recovery and healing of spirit and mind.


Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art though among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Hospital!

Something about that word sends all children into a panic. Hannah's pneumonia just was not getting any better and then she spiked a fever. We took her into the dr.'s office. Hannah had lost 3 pounds in a week! The dr. said that the best place for her was in the hospital and we agreed. She was a direct admit. She was so dehydrated that the nurse couldn't get into her vein the first time. When she did get in, she couldn't get enough blood to cover all the cultures they wanted to do. They hit her pretty hard with three doses of IV antibiotics. They did another xray and found that she had a pleural effusion too. I really didn't realize what this was. It is fluid build up between the lung and the lining of the lung (the pleural lining). The lymph nodes don't drain it like they should due to the infection in her lung they were trying to keep up with. That would explain why she had shoulder pain and pain around the infected lung. She recovered quite well in the hospital and was out in three days. She remained weak but at least she was eating again. We were conservative in sending her back to school. I took her to the dr. before I let her go back. Hannah gained back a pound and her color has returned. The dr. said the effusion is still present but that we should carry on with life as normal. She wants her back for an xray next week to make sure it has gone away. This child just scares the heck out of me!
She returned to school yesterday and her classmates were beside themselves. They had a big sign hanging from the doorway welcoming her back. The children started filing in the classroom. When they saw Hannah they all rushed her...she ran! I laughed so hard. Then Hannah took off into the bathroom. I am not sure if she had to use it or just needed a breather. The other kids spread the news quickly that Hannah was back to the kids who hadn't seen her yet. Being that Hannah was in the bathroom, they expressed their glee to each other by hugging whoever was nearest to them! If the world could love with this kind of uninhibited affection, what a world we would have!
Hannah is back in school for a full day today (yesterday I only let her go for a 1/2 day). I am praying I don't get any phone calls coming to get her. I think she will be fine.

Pneumonia

My poor little Hannah! She had been diagnosed with asthma about 18 months ago. She has been symptom free for about a year. We have had her off her meds for 6 months. She got the upper respiratory bug that goes around and now has full blown pneumonia. She has been hospitalized before for it. The only reason she wasn't this time is her oxygen sats are not terrible (plus the fact that the hospitals are overwhelmed with patients right now). So we are staying in close contact with the dr. and nursing her back to health at home. She looks like a frail little bird. Her poor eyes are sunken into her head and she has dark circles. She is having a hard time eating so we are giving her little bits at a time. She just lays there. Her eyes are this wonderful sky blue but today they look like a cloudy day. I find it so weird that her mood is reflected in her eyes.


Out of all of our children, she was our ..ahem, surprise. From the moment she was born, she has been a joy. (I love all of my children but because she is so ill, I will focus on those feelings about her for this post.) Hannah has always been an early riser...5am and up with the birds. I am not a morning person by any means...but when you hear your baby gurgle with delight because you are the first face she sees, it's hard to be grumpy (despite being up an hour earlier with an older sibling). When she was old enough to pull herself up, she would stand in her crib with her chubby arms open wide as if she couldn't wait to feel me. She has these amazing blue eyes. I used to just stare at them while nursing her. She had cherub-like cheeks that have flattened into the shape of a young lady's face but every once in a while I catch a glimpse of them even now at 6 years old. She was an early talker, speaking complete sentences at 15 months old. They grow so fast. Now she is in first grade and gone are the days of gurgling and chubby baby arms. They are replaced with just as worthy treasures that define her personality. She can make a whole room erupt in laughter when you hear her giggle. It is the sound of pure delight coming from her.

Being that she is sick, she is more reliant upon me than she has been for the past couple of years. She has to have breathing treatments every four hours so we are up in the middle of the night (just like when she was a baby). She is too weak to even wash herself. I bathed her yesterday and held her in the crook of my arm while pouring water over her hair...just like when she was a baby. She just laid there looking up at me with those incredible cloudy blue-gray eyes. So if there is anything positive in this whole sickness, it was that moment of vulnerability...a glimpse backwards to times long gone.

I also got a glimpse into how Hannah copes with adversity. Each of my children have their own coping mechanisms. Hannah is usually happy-go-lucky so I don't often get to see hers. She sheds tears ,many of them with a talent I find impressive...she can actually "ping" them out of her eyes and hit my shirt. She also accepts things even though her face tells you she doesn't like it. You can logically reason with her at a level that is beyond her 6 years. She doesn't like it when you sugar-coat things...just give it to her straight. She also develops an attitude. It is quite the opposite of her regular persona and I am taken aback by it when it shows itself. This isn't a bad thing. I think she does this because it helps her to feel tough.

It has taken me three or four days to write this post (time is really fuzzy right now). Hannah is doing well, just very weak. When she was at her sickest point, I had her in bed with me for the night. As she slept sitting upright I started to pray over her. If you have a child who has any type of respiratory sickness, you will know that distinct rhythm of their belly breathing. Babies belly breath but as they get older, it turns into the regular chest breathing. However, when your child cannot get enough air in those lungs, the belly breathing returns. It is a scary sound while at it's worst. Then when you get all the drugs in that you can and just wait until it clears up, it becomes this rhythmic heavy breathing. I wish I could say it was soothing but it's not. I do have to say that while praying over her, it was the background noise. Something in the rhythm made the prayers come out easier. I prayed to our Lord that He continue to watch over her and help her. I prayed that our Lord Jesus Christ take her suffering up as an offering. I asked our Lady to intercede and keep her in the folds of her Holy Mantle. I also asked for St. Therese's intercession. The reason I asked for this particular saint's intercession was because of the book I am currently reading to the children. It is a book from a local author about a girl in 5th grade who is learning to follow St. Therese's little way. Hannah has really taken an interest in the story. As the story unfolds about the events in this 5th grader's life, you also learn about this saint. Hannah can tell you everything that goes on in this story. So it was natural for me to ask for St. Therese's intercession that night.

The next day, I picked up the only child well enough to go to school. I stopped and talked to Hannah's teacher. She said that the children in Han's class were supposed to make her cards but they ran out of time, however, one girl did make one. I took the pile of papers, that included missed work and this particular card and got back in the car. When we returned home, I handed Hannah the homemade card. It was from a classmate that would have no idea Han's interest in St. Therese. The picture was simple. It said it was to Hannah from S and the drawing was of a single rose. I wept.

FOR THOSE NOT FAMILIAR WITH ST. THERESE YOU MAY FIND THIS HELPFUL:
In case anyone is interested, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways. Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is represented by roses. May everyone be blessed who receives this message.

St. Theresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....May you be content knowing you are a child of God.... Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.